After five years of guiding strangers through the emotional experiment of Love Is Blind, hosts Nick and Vanessa Lachey have found the experience has surprisingly strengthened their own 14-year marriage. The couple, who are parents to three children, say that watching others navigate love and heartbreak has served as a powerful reminder of their own relationship’s foundation and the importance of protecting it.
The Pods Remind Them of Their Early Days
The unique setup of the Love Is Blind pods, where contestants form connections without seeing each other, feels familiar to the Lacheys. Their own romance began with long, heartfelt phone conversations.
“The pods definitely remind us of the early days of our relationship,” Nick shared. “The idea of getting to know someone through extensive conversations, asking all the questions that I think a lot of people in today’s dating world don’t ever feel like they get the chance to ask, especially early on, we can relate to.”
Before the era of FaceTime, their conflicting work schedules—Nick was performing with 98 Degrees and Vanessa was an MTV VJ—meant most of their early bonding happened over the phone. Those conversations revealed they shared core values, both wanting multiple children, valuing travel, and preferring quiet nights cooking at home over going out.
The Golden Rule for Working Together
Hosting not one, but two Netflix reality shows together—Love Is Blind and The Ultimatum—requires a careful balance between their professional and personal lives. The couple adheres to one strict rule to keep their marriage strong while working side-by-side.
Nick explained their approach is to “Try and keep it as separate as you can.” He emphasized, “I think the best thing you can do is not bring your work home with you. Sometimes you show up for work and there’s an argument at home that you brought with you to work, and you don’t want that to bleed over.”
This practice of compartmentalization ensures that their home life remains a sanctuary and their work partnership remains productive.
Scheduling Intimacy and Logistics
With three busy children and dual hosting careers, the Lacheys have found that spontaneity sometimes needs to be scheduled. They proactively set aside two specific days each week dedicated to different aspects of their relationship.
They designated Wednesdays for intimacy, a playful nod to “hump day.” Vanessa admitted, “He’s like, ‘What, schedule a sex day?’ It sounds weird when you say that, so we decided: Wednesday – hump day.”
Another day is reserved for managing life’s logistics. Vanessa noted, “I don’t want the time that we have for intimacy and connection to be taken over by logistics, but that’s our life. I think we’re coming into an age of having to have a hump day and a logistics day.” They have also found creative ways to find moments for connection, with Vanessa mentioning that shower sex is a practical trick for fitting in alone time during a hectic day.
A Strong Belief in the Power of Therapy
A recurring theme in the Lacheys’ marriage advice is their commitment to open communication and professional guidance. They are both “big proponents of therapy.”
“It’s really important to have a third-person perspective that that’s an unbiased opinion,” Vanessa explained. She also challenged the stigma around seeking help, adding, “The thing that I hate is that people think therapy is when you’re in trouble. We did therapy before we got married and have continued to so we have the fundamental tools that we can use when we’re in the heat of the moment.”
Nick reinforced that seeking help is a sign of strength, not failure. “Anything that’s worth having takes work. To me, that’s the cornerstone of life, and marriage is no different. There’s no shame in that.” Vanessa has even described their experience hosting Love Is Blind together as “like the living marriage therapy,” because it gives them dedicated time away from their children to work together.
Using the Show as a Teaching Tool for Their Kids
The Lacheys’ involvement with Love Is Blind extends into their parenting. They have three children: Camden, 13, Brooklyn, 10, and Phoenix, 8. They sometimes use episodes of the show as educational moments about handling life’s disappointments.
Vanessa recalled a time when their oldest son, Camden, crawled into bed while they were watching an episode and witnessed a contestant’s heartbreak. She used it as a chance to talk to him about real-world emotions.
“I explained to him heartbreak is real, and it’s gonna happen at some point,” she said. She emphasized that disappointment comes in many forms, from lost jobs to crushed dreams, and that learning to manage emotions is a critical life skill.
How They Rekindled Their Own Relationship
Long before they were hosts of The Ultimatum, which revolves around couples giving each other a marriage ultimatum, the Lacheys faced a similar crossroads in their own relationship. After five years together, Vanessa posed an ultimatum because she was ready to get married.
“I always said I was going to be that girl that would never give a man an ultimatum,” Vanessa said. “I finally said, ‘What are we doing?’”
To gain clarity, they briefly split up and each dated one other person. This experience, much like the format of their show, ultimately confirmed their feelings for each other. “We both saw one other person and we realized that if we got out of our own way, we could be amazing together,” Vanessa revealed. “It took seeing somebody else and me realizing I don’t mind the things that I thought bugged me or were holding me back.”
Small Gestures Keep the Connection Alive
Amid their busy lives, the couple relies on small, consistent gestures to maintain their bond. During the coronavirus pandemic, which Vanessa said brought both their “highest highs” and “lowest lows,” they were forced to communicate better.
One of Vanessa’s favorite habits is leaving notes for Nick. She writes messages like “You’re amazing” and “I love you” in lipstick on their mirror. “We all like to hear it. We all want to hear it,” she said. “It’s, almost, like, such a cliche to go, well, ‘You know, I love you.’ I’m like, ‘OK, but I still want to hear it.’”
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