Kim Sae Ron’s mother shared a deeply emotional letter addressed to her deceased daughter through Garo Sero Institute’s YouTube channel. The letter reveals a mother’s grief and longing, detailing her struggle to cope with the loss.
A Mother’s Pain and Regrets
The letter begins with a mother’s yearning for her daughter’s peace and comfort. She writes about the lingering pain and the inability to move on.
“My beloved daughter, Sae Ron. Are you in a warm place? Are you feeling better? Today, yet again, my head hurts so much and my heart feels heavy. They say winter is coming to an end and a warm spring is coming. Yet somehow, my frozen heart shows no signs of thawing. I can’t throw away any of your clothes, your belongings. Everything has stayed where it was. I sleep holding your pajamas because I can’t bring myself to wash them, since they hold your scent.”
She expresses regret for not being present during Kim Sae Ron’s final moments, haunted by the question of whether her daughter was scared.
“I was working and couldn’t be there for you during your final moments. Were you scared?”
The mother reflects on her past actions, realizing that her attempts to protect her daughter may have inadvertently caused more pain.
“Looking back, all I have are regrets. You’ve been suffering this whole time. Maybe I couldn’t accept the way you wanted to let go of it all, saying you might as well become the person the media made you out to be. You promised me you would survive no matter what…”
Memories and Unanswered Questions
The letter is filled with memories of Kim Sae Ron’s daily requests and conversations, now echoing in her mother’s mind.
“Mom, should we go for a walk at the Hangang Park today? Mom, should we go play badminton? Mom, should we go do volunteer work with Auntie and Neoguri today? [T/N: while unconfirmed, it is believed Neoguri is the name of a dog Kim Sae Ron rescued from a puppy factory] Mom, today I painted a bright picture like you wanted. Mom, I want to eat cold cucumber soup. Mom, can you make stir-fried anchovies for me? Mom, turn on the TV. Mom, turn on the lights. Mom, start the washing machine. Mom, I get scared when it’s dark and quiet. Mom, Mom, Mom… I suddenly jump up because I can still hear your chattering right beside me, as if you were still here.”
The mother also addresses the public’s demand for explanations, expressing her weariness and desire for peace.
“And now people keep telling me to explain everything. But why? I just couldn’t bear to let you go like this. All I wanted was an apology [from them] for making me out to be a liar and to ensure this never happens again. But all I get in return are words that deny my existence and demands for explanations.”
She ends the letter by promising to let her daughter rest in peace, acknowledging the pain she endured.
“Don’t worry. Even if the world doesn’t know, mom knows. We know. Your friends know. And the people who truly knew you, they all know. And I will be okay. You told me that, remember? ‘Don’t worry, Mom. Even if the whole world doesn’t know, I do. There’s a lot of fuss, right?’ I’m sorry. I’ll finally let you rest in peace now.”
The letter, narrated by a voice actor, was presented in its entirety through Garo Sero Institute’s YouTube channel.
